- Muskrat Love, Captain & Tennile
Undisputed champ. There are times when you can imagine this isn’t as bad as you think… then the electronic muskrat sex parts come on and well, it’s just bad, plain bad.
- (You’re) Having My Baby, Paul Anka
- Afternoon Delight, Starland Vocal Band
- Brandy: Looking Glass
What is incomprehensible is that people like this song.
- Whatcha Gonna Do, Pablo Cruise
- Terrible, terrible 70’s funk.
- Sledgehammer: Peter Gabriel
This is one of those songs, the “I will violently lunge at the radio|stero|ipod to make it go away regardless of the social venue”. For that it gets special merit.
- Sill the One, Orleans
- Owner of a Lonely Heart: Yes
- 867-5309/Jenny: Tommy Tutone.
The only nice thing you can say about this is that it was Tommy’s only hit. Otherwise it might have jeopardized Western civilization.
- Ghostbusters; Ray Parker, Jr.
- Girl, you’ll be a woman soon; Neil Diamond
- Surfer Girl, Be true to your school, In my room; Beach Boys
- Kiss on my list; Hall and Oats
Hall and Oats should get a special award for a career of badness. “Sarah Smile” is cloying. “Maneater” is a shameful song. Oats’ haircut alone would place him on the charts.
- Eye in the sky; Alan Parsons Project
- Don’t talk to strangers; Rick Spingfield
- Justify my love; Madonna
- Sussudio; Phil Collins (and everything else he did)
- Achy Breaky Heart: Billy Ray Cyrus
It seems like shooting fish in a barrel to include this as I think the song was intended to suck. I mean really… you’re telling me that was serious?
- Sometimes when we touch; Dan Hill
I had managed to completely forget about this song. And it was good. Then Julie sent me this ear-worm and all is wrong again. Thanks Julie!
- The warrior; Scandal
- Wonderful tonight; Eric Clapton
- (these are from Julie, it’s a lazy cop-out to include them, so I will)Artists that I just totally detest (every single song they’ve ever done): Michael Jackson (esp. PYT); Wang Chung; Power Station; Christopher Cross; Mr. Mister; Bruce Hornsby; Stupid egotistical actors who sing when they shouldn’t, like William Shatner, Patrick Swayze, Don Johnson, and Catherine Zeta-Jones
Note: the anti-quality really falls off the edge here. Nothing else on this list even challenges the Big 3. Nothing.